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Why we shoot deer in the wild.(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.

The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.

There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it

would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand... kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ...... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they

just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly.. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp ... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal - like a horse - strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down..

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer
 

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Long read but worth it. Made my day. I could see someone trying that since when I was growing up we raised hogs, one of my neighbors raised cattle, some of the other had other live stock.
 

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This cracks me up!
 

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Glad you survived the ordeal! No more bright ideas huh?! Have to survive, the bike needs you!

A year ago i had to put a deer down while on patrol. Even very severely injured the critter thought I was going to hurt it and repeatedly tried ever so hard to get at me and the owner of the vehicle that had hit it. It's ferver and endurance amazed me. Forest Preserve Police were too busy to respond so they sent me, a county reg., part timer. A quick phone call to the station duty officer revealed that we have to operate at our own discretion. No medical assistance is available for deer in the area. Unfortunately the animal was put down and transported (Forest Preserve Police did show up with a PU truck) to a local wild game butcher who dresses said animals for free, and donates the meat to local family food banks and homeless shelters. Several hours of paperwork resulted, traffic incident, vehicle tow, discharge of a weapon while on duty, etc..... So, be warned that even severely injured they are capable of doing great harm to you! I can only imagine what a "trapped" animal, in a good state of health, could/would do. Glad you're around to tell the tale.
 

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Very funny!! Since sharing animal stories, I have an old one, but still funny.

You might wanna go pee before reading this, VERY FUNNY!!!

I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighbor hood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect, I was on Brice street, a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic.
As I passed an oncoming car, a brown, furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really wasn't going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it, it was that close.I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on motorcycles, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. squirrels I discovered can take care of themselves!

Inches before the impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. he was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. his mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I was pretty sure the scream from the squirrel was "BONZIA" or maybe "DIE YOU GRAVY-SUCKING HEATHEN SCUM!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular! He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me square in the chest. Instantly he set upon me. If i didn't know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his buddies along for the attack. snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of concern for me. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing! I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to grab his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done the it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have, the squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!!!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of my throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my back and resumed his rather anti-social and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my glove with him! the situation was not improved. Not improved at all!

His attacks were continuing and now, I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a heavy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A heavy twist on the Valkyrie can have only one result. Torque! This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and it is very good at it.

The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstacy. I screamed in, well, pain.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel torn T-shirt, wearing only one glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to regain control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I didn't really want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle, my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time, the squirrel decided I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began to hissing in my face. I am pretty sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel however.
the RPMs on the bike maxed out ( since I was not bothering to shift at the moment), so the front end started to drop. Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedy torn T-shirt, wearing only one glove, roaring at about 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrels tail sticking out of the mostly close full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finallly I got the upper hand, I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked, sort of! Spectacularly sort-of!, so to speak. Picture a new scene. Your a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residentail street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly, a large man on a large black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade into your police car.

I heard screams! This time they weren't mine. I managed to get the bike under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and get my glove back). I really would have. really, except for two things. first, the cops did not seem interested or the slightly bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop in the drivers seat was standing in the street aiming his riot gun at his own police car. So the cops weren't interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.

that was one thing. The other? Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. but I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel! And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car, but it was all his. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. AND A WHOLE LOT OF BAND-AIDS!!!!
 

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I think I saw an article about that. Some PD claimed that a pair of their officers were targeted by a biker with a trained, attack squirrel. Both still being sought for criminal damage to PD property and police harrasment.

Glad you're OK! Guess just maybe that's another point for ATGATT!

Great story to start the day wth. Thanks!
 

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The only flaw in that story is who would ride in a t-shirt and jeans AND a full face helmet? I mean...if you're the type to wear a FF, you're more than likely going to be wearing a jacket at least...unless you're on a sport bike.

Good story though, made me laugh!
 
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