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Discussion Starter #1
I checked out the rules and did not find anything preventing me from posting this.

I came across this link today > A Pastor's Struggle With Sex and Porn Addiction

Please read this even if this is NOT a problem for you.

The part that stood out for me was the following…

Second, sexual compulsions are not actually about sex. Almost a century ago, G. K. Chesterton wrote that the man who knocks on the brothel door is knocking for God. If he were writing today, he might say that the man who surfs online for porn is surfing for God. Consider what the Apostle Paul wrote in Corinthians that "sex is more than mere skin on skin. It is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact." (1 Corinthians 6:16, MSG).
I posted this because this site is mostly made up of men. There are all types and ages of men. Believers in Christ and non-believers. However, the effects of porn are detrimental to the male whether married or not or a believer or not.

G. K. Chesterton was correct, and for majority men, our search for God is not necessarily a sexual compulsion. If we do not have a relationship with our creator, then we spend our whole lives trying in our own way to fill that emptiness, to find meaning in life, and just feel good about something.

When I ride, I’m not looking for anything. I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that since I first began riding, I am a better man. I ride and spend time with God. This was the right time for me to begin riding.

We all have one life and one opportunity to find our purpose. I found mine!
 

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But porn can also be healthy! My wife and I have been married 9 years, love each oth, have good paying jobs and a great life and every now and then we love enjoying porn together. It's just a fantasy escape. She doesn't mind that I view it alone, and often times suggests I do so when she and I are in disagreement about whether it's time to go to sleep.

Porn isn't about cheating, it's about enjoying beautiful people. It can be educational in that it can bring about new ideas into the bedroom and break the "same old same old" funk. Porn can break your bedroom fixedness and open up conversations into new things that would be fun to do for each other.

I understand some people feel guilty or that it's cheating. Perhaps theyre looking at it for the wrong purpose - sometimes men might be attracted to men and try to repress that urge and find that porn makes it surface.

Whatever the case, saying its wrong because it's wrong for you doesn't make it wrong for everyone. Mrs Food and I have enjoyed porn together many times in our relationship and it's only made our marriage stronger and more durable.
 

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After re-reading the article, it sounds like the addiction started out with sexual curiosity and evolved into an addiction to getting away with crime. He was more addicted to not being caught than the sex. This is a thrill junkie, not a sex junkie. Sex is just the currency for his gambling. He gambled on not getting in trouble. He gambled on not getting arrested.

The problem for most men (who have a porn problem) is that they lie about it. If you like porn be honest! Find porn that your partner will enjoy with you. Make it a special occasion, like opening an expensive bottle of wine.

There's nothing wrong with a strong sexuality. Don't lie about what you like or who you are. If you're ashamed, don't be. There's nothing wrong with admiring beauty.
 

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But porn can also be healthy!

Porn isn't about cheating, it's about enjoying beautiful people. It can be educational in that it can bring about new ideas into the bedroom and break the "same old same old" funk. Porn can break your bedroom fixedness and open up conversations into new things that would be fun to do for each other.
CF, your posts are thoughtful and well written. And watching can certainly bring "new ideas" into the bedroom.
But even when both parties agree that it isn't cheating, what you are supporting with your money is the seediest and absolutely lowest-life porn industry. This is not Hollywood- and don't get me wrong, I don't believe that Hollywood itself holds many standards of decency and morality. Most of the women in these films are victims of their drug habits, forced into this kind of work by cruel and uncaring scumbags who will exploit these people for the quick dollar.
If differs little from paying for a prostitute, where all the money is given to her pimp.
It's great that you and your wife are faithful to each other, but other lives are being destroyed by your support of this industry. There is genuine evil out there, and it will continue as long as there is a demand for it.
There are no porn "Stars". Only victims.
The one you and your wife will enjoy watching tonight may already have died.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
As a child, not really understanding the destructiveness of fire, I was playing around with matches. I thought... I can handle this and burned up a big field.

This can be applied to so many things in life. We say to ourselves... I got this!

I've been riding a year and often read where guys would say...
it's not a matter of if you will lay it down but when you'll lay it down. I have 2 times under my belt now.

Cheesfood missed the biggest point here and it's not about porn.
 

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.
But even when both parties agree that it isn't cheating, what you are supporting with your money is the seediest and absolutely lowest-life porn industry. ... Most of the women in these films are victims of their drug habits, forced into this kind of work by cruel and uncaring scumbags who will exploit these people for the quick dollar.
Who pays for porn? It's all over the Internet for free!

If differs little from paying for a prostitute, where all the money is given to her pimp.
Another misbelief. Thanks to the Internet, most women are now independent contractors. They don't need a pimp to find them clients, they advertise and find their own.

It's great that you and your wife are faithful to each other, but other lives are being destroyed by your support of this industry. There is genuine evil out there, and it will continue as long as there is a demand for it.
There are no porn "Stars". Only victims.
The one you and your wife will enjoy watching tonight may already have died.
That's kinda dark thinking. That's like saying all models are drug addicts destined to die young.

There's been a revolution in the porn industry, called "Female Friendly" where the material is something a woman would like to watch because it's produced by women tired of seeing women degraded. Another big competitor has been just exhibitionist couples who like putting up movies of themselves. This isn't something we're into, but I've watched it and it's two perfectly normal people who like seeing up votes of themselves.

True, it does have its dark side of exploitation and victimizing, but that only exists because there's a demand for it and a supply of willing participants. Honestly, porn is so monitored, patrolled and wire-tapped that those types of movies require a really sick mind. Honestly, my mind doesn't even go there because that's not the kind of stuff I think of when I think porn.

If its wrong for you then it's wrong for you. I'm not going to claim that everyone will find it agreeable. A lot of people do like it though, and trying to say that a happy person or couple should feel shame or guilt for consuming something legally and ethically that was produced legally and ethically is generalizing the bad with the good. Chances are something within 10 feet of you was made in, or, by a factory that may have exploited workers for all you know.

Saying everyone is a victim is wrong too. There are a lot of happy people who made money by showing if their body when they were young. There are also porn stars.

Face the facts: sex feels good and is enjoyable by both men and women. Some people have worked hard to maintain a body that is very attractive. Other people, while in love with each other, like to consume attractive images to appeal to their visual and mental senses. On a romantic night with the wife when the kids are out, it's fun to have a nice dinner, a little wine and then a sensual evening devoted to making the other one feel loved both physically and mentally. It's fun to watch let someone provide you with something that produces a pleasurable affect that can be replicated by anything else.

Do you ever watch a cooking show and both drool over the dish being prepared and think "We should cook that tonight"? Or watch a home improvement show and think "That's what we need to do to our spare room!" Or even read a forum post and think "That's what I'm doing wrong!". Porn is a place to go for arousal and visualized ideas. It's a forum where your wife can say "That works great on me!" or a man to say "would you mind trying that?"

Look, I'm not religious but I tend to think that sex was meant to be enjoyed, not cellared like a bottle of wine you can only drink once. There's a reason that it Effects us as strongly as it does.
 

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Thanks for the reply. As I said before, you make really good points and present them thoughtfully and well. I may not agree with you, but I'd be happy to discuss it over a beer sometime!:)
 

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Discussion Starter #8
We are made to indulge. It is normal! We have the freedom to indulge. Without self-control, our indulgences can be detrimental in many ways.

You start out dabbling in light porn. It produces a level of excitement and satisfaction. Over time, you get tired of the light stuff and start to need something more. Eventually it becomes the hard stuff and you begin to think it is out of hand.

The pics and videos are not enough. You need the real stuff. Other people become entangled in your lifestyle. Before long, you’re relationships with spouses and/or other family members become strained to a breaking point.

Porn is not something to be controlled. IT will ultimately win every time and the partaker will lose.

Without standards and governors, we become slaves to our indulgences whatever they may be.

There is a bigger plan for all us besides our lives being out of control. I believe that my faith and belief in Jesus Christ is what keeps me from falling into a temptation that could destroy me. In fact, if I had not accepted Christ, I believe my indulgences would have killed me.
 

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As a woman, let me say that I personally think porn is incredibly awesome. I have no problem with my man watching it, and I enjoy it very regularly myself. It's no more of an addiction than peanut butter sandwiches or crackers and cheese.
 

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Wow the lounge is getting interesting !! This is way better than politics... Keep it up guys..... Daboo i will respectively disagree with , on most levels i feel we our able to control ourselves. If everything we do that we really liked became an addiction hell no one would ever get any thing done... This applys to everyone except Clinton of coarse..
 

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Wow the lounge is getting interesting !! This is way better than politics... Keep it up guys..... Daboo i will respectively disagree with , on most levels i feel we our able to control ourselves. If everything we do that we really liked became an addiction hell no one would ever get any thing done... This applys to everyone except Clinton of coarse..
I brought this up here because I could. Not many places that you can.

There are a lot of people that can smoke, do porn, drugs, alcohol, bi-sex, food, horror flicks, and believe it or not, never get addicted. There are even more that can't and basically ruin their lives.

If you read the link, this guy was a preacher. So, regardless who we are or what we do, we all want our lives to have meaning. We cannot do this if we are making a mess of our lives.

Whatever you may believe, we all have one shot at getting this right. If you find that you are unable, you have no one to blame but yourself.
 

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We all have one life and one opportunity to find our purpose. I found mine!
Not picking on you at all, Daboo, but especially considering the subject of this thread, your comment was unavoidably reminiscent of the scene in the movie The Jerk (an absolute classic) where Steve Martin, too, found his special purpose! ;)
 

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If you read the link, this guy was a preacher. So, regardless who we are or what we do, we all want our lives to have meaning. We cannot do this if we are making a mess of our lives.

Whatever you may believe, we all have one shot at getting this right. If you find that you are unable, you have no one to blame but yourself.
And a lot of priests are pedophiles. This guy didn't have a porn addiction, he was addicted to lying to his wife. It could have been anything. Blaming porn is the easily consumable approach, but he liked getting away with stuff. And honesty, I don't give men of the cloth any higher esteem. I tend to think most of them are judged and have personal problems.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Not picking on you at all, Daboo, but especially considering the subject of this thread, your comment was unavoidably reminiscent of the scene in the movie The Jerk (an absolute classic) where Steve Martin, too, found his special purpose! ;)
Steve's character says he was raised a poor black child but he couldn't keep rhythm. Hilarious!

Seeing that there are well over a hundred hits on this thread, I do expect to be a minority in my views. I do expect to get picked on. And I appreciate the fact that vulcanforums has not shut it down.

I do not condemn and I do not judge anyone that disagrees.

Going back to The Jerk(the movie)... I ask a philosophical question. :)

When millions of people who purchased Steve's patented glasses and went cross-eyed, he lost it all.

So I ask, when you've made a complete mess of your life, who do you turn to?
 

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Discussion Starter #15
And a lot of priests are pedophiles. This guy didn't have a porn addiction, he was addicted to lying to his wife. It could have been anything. Blaming porn is the easily consumable approach, but he liked getting away with stuff. And honesty, I don't give men of the cloth any higher esteem. I tend to think most of them are judged and have personal problems.
Being "men of the cloth" does not take away them being human and fallible.

We raise them on a platform... they should be at a higher standard but so often men in ministry are presented with temptations that ranges from money to illicit relationships and they suffer a great fall because of our expectations.

Human beings are going to always mess up. There was only one that did not. Jesus Christ placed Himself in a position knowing that He would be judged and condemned by His own people. He did this for us all. And because He did this, in our weaknesses, we who believe in Him can be forgiven and have promise of eternal life.
 

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Daboo you know I got nothing but love for you, but respectfully I disagree. It's not the porn that's the issue. It's the dishonesty and living a lie that's the issue. The misses and I have been married for 20+ years. We enjoy a lil porn from time to time. We also have an open relationship. We're not feigns, addicted to anything, etc. our family, kids, jobs come first but our play time is very fun and exciting. When we started letting our guard down, being open and honest with ourselves our relationship flourished. We are more in love today then we have ever been and more committed to each other than any vanilla couple we know.

Our lifestyle works for us and totally happy with our choices. We are not judgmental of any ones choices, thoughts, opinions or beliefs. And like for others to respect ours. We don't push our lifestyle on anyone just saying we are happy with each other and life.

My point is sometimes ppl are two quick to judge without evaluating all the variables involved. And I feel that in this particular subject that's the case. Choose to hide something from your mate and yes it's going to be detrimental to the relationship no matter if its porn, gambling, finances or even over eating.
 

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And a lot of priests are pedophiles.
No, "a lot" of priests are not pedophiles (defined as the sexual abuse of a prepubescent child). In fact, Catholic priests are no more likely to be pedophiles than the rest of the general male population, and they may actually be less likely.

Now, if you want to talk about ephebophilia (the homosexual attraction to adolescent boys), that's another matter altogether.

The issue is one of homosexuality, not pedophilia.
 

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So I ask, when you've made a complete mess of your life, who do you turn to?
Father Carlos Las Vegas De Cordoba, of course. He seems like a religious man, and I detest cat juggling!
 

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Discussion Starter #20
It's not the porn that's the issue.
Right! It's not just lying to someone we love, it's lying to ourselves.

We tell ourselves that we are okay... The life we live is good. We are basically good people. We are not hurting anyone. And when we die, we can say we did it our way. The End!

Well! The end is not the end... it's just the beginning! That gift of life was the one chance to get it right and determine what comes afterward.
 
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