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wocka, wocka, wocka
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
tenminimum
 

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thats funny, just as well she didnt have to take a d-mp, who knows what that outcome would have been.
 

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Those are both humorous, Ponch. :D

Here's something I just read in the July 2011 issue of Motorcyclist magazine, in the Cat Tales section by Brian Catterson, that I found rather humorous.

The title of the article is 'A Brotherhood of Fags'.

I don't watch TV, so have no idea what he's talking about here, but he seems to be talking about a TV show called South Park. ?? Apparently, the storyline is that the TV show's usual suspects are relaxing in the woods and around their town, when a bunch of Harley riders with loud exhaust pipes "shatters the silence", annoying everyone on the show to the extreme.

Part of the storyline is that the usual suspects petition Websters to change the definition of the word "fag", to mean "an inconsiderate person who rides a loud Harley". Obviously, the producers don't know that other motorcycle brands exist.... :p

But, the part I found most humorous, is apparently a quote from the character called Cartman, stated as follows. "Everyone realizes that the only people who are so needy for attention they need to dress up and be as loud as possible are you guys and 16-year-old girls." Cartman tells the bikers. :D

The author then goes on to give his thoughts on the show and says, "News Flash: We're all fags! Basically he rips on all bikers for wearing "uniforms", the usual tough guy patches and leathers and so on and that every group of bikers, Harley, rice-burner, sportbike, bagger, outlaw, BMW, Winger, etc, despises all of the other groups.

This isn't my favorite mag or author, so I'm not sure if the guy is serious or tongue-in-cheek, but I could certainly see the kernels of truth in what was said.
 

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V2K Rogue Wrangler
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A business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Kawasaki!, Kawasaki!". Hearing this, he knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.
The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, he joined in and began yelling, "Kawasaki! Kawasaki!" Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "What you mean, 'Wrong hole'?"
 

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Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two
people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse.’ ‘Oh,’ Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A little while later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'
 

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26 Posts
A Kayism.

Okay, this isn't a joke but is what's known around our house as a 'Kayism', aptly named after my fantastic wife Kay.

I hadn't been on a bike in 20 years when we decided to purchase a 2011 Voyager this past July. The wife, trying to be safety conscious, wanted a full face helmet. She settled on an HJC BT MAX modular helmet.

Here in Florida it's hot riding in the summer, real hot. So the modular helmet gave her a little extra comfort being able to lift up the chin bar when stopped at lights. I can't really see what she's doing as she's behind me. So one day, while complaining about the heat, I said, why don't you ride with the shield open and the sun visor down when traveling around town. I've been told it's safe at speeds up to 45 mph. So she says, you can't ride with that open. I'm confused and tell her, of course you can. So I finally realize she's talking about the chin bar and not the face shield. So while we're riding I keep telling her to just open the face shield. She fidgets a bit and says she doesn't know how. So at the next light, I reach back and by feel I flip open her face shield. She says, Ohhhhhhhhhh...that opens.

And that's a Kayism:)
 

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Fooch...

you, sir, may contribute more Kayisms.... lol :)

Annie


Okay, this isn't a joke but is what's known around our house as a 'Kayism', aptly named after my fantastic wife Kay.

I hadn't been on a bike in 20 years when we decided to purchase a 2011 Voyager this past July. The wife, trying to be safety conscious, wanted a full face helmet. She settled on an HJC BT MAX modular helmet.

Here in Florida it's hot riding in the summer, real hot. So the modular helmet gave her a little extra comfort being able to lift up the chin bar when stopped at lights. I can't really see what she's doing as she's behind me. So one day, while complaining about the heat, I said, why don't you ride with the shield open and the sun visor down when traveling around town. I've been told it's safe at speeds up to 45 mph. So she says, you can't ride with that open. I'm confused and tell her, of course you can. So I finally realize she's talking about the chin bar and not the face shield. So while we're riding I keep telling her to just open the face shield. She fidgets a bit and says she doesn't know how. So at the next light, I reach back and by feel I flip open her face shield. She says, Ohhhhhhhhhh...that opens.

And that's a Kayism:)
 

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Old does not mean stupid . . . . .


An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room.

As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:



COLD BEER: $ 2.00

HAMBURGER: $ 2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $ 2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $ 3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00



Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good because I want a cheeseburger."
 

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CONFESSIONAL BOX

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears a priest come in: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies,

"Get out, you idiot. You're on my side"
 

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My wife and I were sitting on our porch watching the sunset, sipping a glass of wine .

After a while the wife says, "I love you so much. I don't know how I could ever live without you."

I asksed her, "Is that you talking ? Or the wine?"

She says, "It's me talking. To the wine."
 

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An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,
'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'

Just then the light changes,
So the doctor decides to show
The old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster!

'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator
And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him,
He sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas
and passes the Moped at 275 mph
And he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy.
He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,


'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.
 

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Words of Wisdom

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the
greatest political sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your
pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who
learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and
find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral : When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
 

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Geography of a Woman...and a Man

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa.
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

... Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade,
especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece,
gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,
has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful,
with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.



THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ruled by nuts.
 

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I always thought when they were 60, they were like africa, everybody knows where it is, but who the hell wants to go there ....
 

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Megatron
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181 Posts
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,
'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped!'

Just then the light changes,
So the doctor decides to show
The old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds
the speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster!

'What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator
And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him,
He sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas
and passes the Moped at 275 mph
And he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy.
He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,


'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'.
That's one of the funniest stories I've heard in ages. Actually made me laugh out loud! Thanks.
 

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Alright, since I succeeded in killing this thread, I'll get it going again.

A young, beautiful woman graced by her father's nearly infinite wealth was riding in a limo driven by her own personal cheauffer, James. She was headed south from LA to party in Baja with some of her wealthy, young, beautiful friends, when the car suddenly lurched, sputtered, and died as James steered it to the shoulder.

Not being the type to get her hands dirty, the young lady remained in the lap of luxury while James poped the hood and tried to track down the gremlin, in The-middle-of-nowhere, Mexico.

About two hours passed and the diva started to become worried, impatient, and bored. James, however, was still fooling around with SOMETHING under the hood. This struck her as the perfect opportunity to prove to the world that she wasn't worthlessly rich. She couldn't help it, right?

She exited the car, approached James, and then realized she knew not a SINGLE THING about what was wrong. Searching her brain for any bit of useful technical data, she managed "Do you need a screwdriver?"

James replied "Hell, might as well. There's no way i can get this thing going today."
:D
 
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