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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I want to share this with u'all tho it will be a bit long so bear with me...

I'll begin years ago. In my twenties I knew I did not want to have kids. My thoughts at the time was that I wanted to play and did not want to be, sorry to say, "burdened" by raising kids. Really good thing I didn't cuz I would not have been a good dad due to my selfishness and self-centeredness.

At about 30 y/o I met the woman who I was to marry a few years later. I thought she was the gift from God cuz she did not want kids either, so at the age of 30 I had a vasectomy. Didn't freeze any sperm and never really regretted it, matter of fact had lotsa "fun" never havin to worry about a pregnancy.

The marriage ended and after a couple of years got into a relationship with a woman that had 2 sons. They were 8 and 11 when we started dating. I really, I mean I really didn't want to be involved with someone who had kids, hell I had an operation to prevent that! The relationship got serious and as time went by I spent more and more time with her and the kids, especially after her divorce. I eventually moved in and we were a family. They still had their dad but unfortunately he had pretty much been buried in the disease of alcoholism their whole lives. So of course they were missing so much of what a positive male role model can give.

They called me their "second dad" and I told them they were the "sons I never had". I strived to do for them what their (and my) dad did not/could not do. I spent quality time with them, told them I loved them, took them to the store when Christmas/Mother's day/ her b/day came around, had them pick out cards and gifts, took them back and had them wrap them up and give them to her. They had never done that, of course never been shown that.

God opened my heart up to them and for the first time in my life really felt I had a worthwhile purpose, to love those boys and to be a positive male role model.

That relationship ended in 2011 and since then there has been a hole in my heart. I have missed having that connection, have missed all of that in my heart. Those memories are just so friggin priceless, more so as I have not been involved with them in 2 1/2 yrs.

A few weeks ago I took a couple of my friends to visit another friend that had surgery and one of the ladies brought her 4 y/o grandson. During the visit that little boy, shall I say "attached" himself to me so to speak, interacting with me, having me draw pictures in his book. I managed to visit with my recovering friend a bit, but that boy and I really had fun. it touched me as I have not been in 2 1/2 years.

I spoke with the grandma a few days later and told her how much I enjoyed her grandson and how it re-awakened that part of my heart and how I had missed that connection to a kid. She suggested I check out the Big Brother/Big Sister program. So the next day I emailed their basic application, they sent me the big application which I dropped off at their office bout a wekk and a half ago.

Well, Tuesday I got the call from them and I have been accepted into the program, I'm gonna be a "big brother"!! I have an appointment with a case worker this comin Monday to really get the ball rollin. To say that not only am I excited but I am grateful and humbled.

Even though I strive to give back and to offer support in the m/c community (and that is rewarding in of itself) and to others who are less fortunate, what greater gift can I give but to be a positive male role model to some young kid who has been deprived of that very important part of growing up.

Goes to show me how God works and where he needs me and where I need to go.

RACNRAY
 

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good man

Great news Ray,
I also never had kids until my stepdaughter had a son, who is now the light of my life.
Enjoy yourself!!! You have way more to give than you ever imagined.
Kids know that!:D
 

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That's great, Ray. I never had kids of my own myself. Don't regret it, mind you - the madness had to stop with me. ;)

Let us know how it works out. I suspect you'll do great.
 

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Good for you, Ray! Making a difference in someone's life makes it all worth while.

I didn't have any kids either until 15 years ago I married a lady who has a special needs son. She is ten years older than me, and her son is ten years younger. AT 53, it is a hoot for me to go to Wal-Mart and have everyone look when he says "Hey Dad- Look at this!" His bio dad has not been a part of his life since he was 12. I am not his dad really, but I am a friend and a mentor. He respects my opinion and listens to me better than he listens to Mom. We have fun together, and he as taught me more about myself.

I used to read a lot of Norman Vincent Peal stuff when I was in a depression part of my life. He advocates positive thinking, helping others, and walking with our Lord and Savior. One thing that I read was that "You can never out-give God. Whatever you give, God will give you more in return." I have found that to be very true. I am not a great example of giving, and I don't always have the balls to do it, but I can say that every time I have given time, money, or things to others less fortunate, it always has come back to me more than I have given! Try it and see!

Anyway, may God Bless you and your work, Ray.
 

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Very admirable step in life. I did not think I wanted any children either, long story short we had our daughter by accident, but love her dearly. I hope all works out good for you and you can make a difference our next generation. Don't get frustrated if you feel like you are not making a difference at first, trust me you are. Might not be seen right away, but one of these days those young ones will look back and reflect on those positive influences.
 

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Good for you, Ray! Wanting to Make a difference in someone's life is a great thing. Your a good man, there's not many in our world as it is today. God Bless...
 

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Blessings on you Ray as you embark on what sounds like a pretty incredible opportunity. Good luck to you my friend!
 

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Atta Boy! While kids can drive you nuts more often than not, the rewards more than make up for any frustrations. You are doing a wonderful thing for those who don't know what a positive male role model can do in their lives.
I have three from my first wife, and my second wife introduced two more into my family. Second wife is in heaven now, but "our" sons remain. I wouldn't trade being Daddy for anything. Enjoy!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Thanx to all

Did my interview with the case worker today, almost 2 1/2 hours. Lotsa questions but bottom line he had me sign all the papers/agreements so I am in. The case worker had a similar background, never had kids but has found himself in BB/BS for the last 7 years so there was a connection there.

It'll take bout 2-3 months b4 they have a match so I must be patient.

I am excited and lookin forward to this and thanx to all for the kind words and support.

RACNRAY
 

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Congrats! No finer calling is there than a man who is willing to give of himself for others. I too started life much the same as you. 1st marriage, vasectomy, years later a divorce. Later I met a woman with two kids, girls, 7 & 11. We married 34 years ago. We now have 8 Grandkids and 4 Great Grandkids. Funny how a woman can change you life in more ways than one. I don't regret a moment of it as she is still the best thing that ever happened to me...
 

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I wouldn't trade being Daddy for anything.

I have to agree. There's nothing that can come close to being called Daddy, And now for me grandpa.


Ray good luck! You will be fulfilled.
 

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Good on 'ya, Ray. Everyone concerned will benefit from your choice.

It's interesting because I have been reflecting on something related to this recently due to the arrival of our second grandson. My wife and I have three grown and successful children, all of whom are sources of great satisfaction and happiness for us. But I can't help thinking that in spite of all the fun we had as a family traveling and playing together that I didn't appreciate them as much as I do the grandsons, whom I simply can't keep my eyes off when we are together. Maybe it's just because at this stage in my life I know we won't have so much more time together, but the bond really is stronger and more emotional than I ever imagined.
 
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