Kawasaki Vulcan Forum banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
wocka, wocka, wocka
Joined
·
5,618 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.

Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Walmart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video
Surveillance Cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.
Get on it right away'.

This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and
screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
 

·
BOTM Winner, December 2016
Joined
·
326 Posts
16 chuckles !!!

Thanks for that, Ponch !!!

Velly funny !!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
82 Posts
I read this for the first time today. Only problem, I was in church and trying very hard not to laugh during the sermon.
You Ponch got me in much trouble with the wife.
 

·
wocka, wocka, wocka
Joined
·
5,618 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I read this for the first time today. Only problem, I was in church and trying very hard not to laugh during the sermon. Ponch got me in much trouble with the wife.
yep. Jerry yor goin strate to hell. but it won't be for this.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,349 Posts
I've read that many times. I hurt myself laughing EVERY TIME!
 

·
Lifetime Premium Bike Of The Fall Winner 2017
Joined
·
2,854 Posts
That's funny. I got kicked out of Luby's once.
 

·
wocka, wocka, wocka
Joined
·
5,618 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
That's funny. I got kicked out of Luby's once.
gf,, yor holdin out on us.. ther be a story here.. best give it up..
getting kicked out of luby's is hard to do.. watts yor story?
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top