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> Church Bulletin Bloopers
>
> Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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> 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa .
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> 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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> 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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> 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall - Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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> 5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
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> 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
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> 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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> 8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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> 9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation..
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> 10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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> 11. Next Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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> 12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
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> 13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: " Break Forth Into Joy."
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> 14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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> 15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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> 16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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> 17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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> 18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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> 19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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> 20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
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> 21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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> 22.. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to
> follow.
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> 23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
> They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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> 24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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> 25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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> 26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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> 27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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> 28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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> 29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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> 30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge ! - Up Yours!"
 
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