We have a lot in common! I am also new to the VN, in my case after many years away from biking.
Sounds like you are going through the same thing as I have been through since buying mine.
Counter steering ? Its is an amazing thing to think deeply about, but not when you are nervously entering a corner, slightly out of control, with a lorry coming the other way. We all countersteer, all the time above about 15 mph, we just do not think about it, and thats the way to keep it until you are highly confident and able.
My process to get round bends happily has been a dificult one :-
1. Get the tyre pressures right, I have a classic wire wheel VN and have been educated to put in the pressures that give me good handling, not what the book says. For me, that is higher than the book says, I have around 32 in the front and 36 in the back. This made a huge diference, I ride on mainly curvy back lanes and I now enjoy them....
I even rode through some flour on the ground to ensure I still had a good contact patch. (Ok Ok a bit much but it keeps me happy)
2. I then read The police motorcyclist handbook from cover to cover, and realised I had lost the ability to look where I want to go, instead of at the road just in front of me. It also made me realise that unless I was in complete control, I will not have the time to be scanning for hazards.
3. Practice practice practice first gear slow handling, circle and more circles, figure of eights etc while looking where you want to go, and never touching the front brake , which will have you on the floor quicker than you can say spit. Try on a push bike first, trail the rear brake makes it easy, grab the front brake and you are on the floor.
4. Ride a carefully considered route over and over again, at quiet traffic times. Include some tricky bits and practice until you lose that "Oh where is this bike going?" feeling.
I have a long way to go to get really happy on my VN, but I am making good progress towards being comfortable. Get yourself on a course, get a book written by and for professional riders. Oh, and did I mention tyre pressures ?