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This is old (like from January of '09) but i just saw it and thought it was funny.

The Washington Post seems to have a yearly contest for readers in which they're asked to supply alternative meanings to common words. Here's some winning submissions:

1. coffee, n.: the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj.: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v.: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v.: to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj.: absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v.: to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n.: olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n.: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n.: a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n.: a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n.: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon , n.: a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n.: the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent, n.: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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