need work.. - Kawasaki Vulcan Forum : Vulcan Forums
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-22-2015, 09:05 AM Thread Starter
wocka, wocka, wocka
 
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need work..

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart.

Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Walmart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video
Surveillance Cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.
Get on it right away'.

This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the
antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and
screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.



zig and chanoc1077 like this.

not another boring list of mods;
14 guzzi v14, 14 Injun chieftain v18, 13 guzzi v7, 12 hardley 48
07 kaw v2k, 07 guzzi v11, 07 yam v17, 07 96ci 'lectraglide
06 88ci superglide, 05 hardley 883, 05 yam v17
04 zooki sv1k, 03 guzzi v11, 02 kaw v15
01 Honda 750, 00 hardley 883, 84 Honda v7 supermagna, 99 hardley 883
92 zooki v8 sport, 88 zooki 650 thumper, 84 Honda 500 thumper
80 Honda 360t, 78 Honda cb500f, 75 Honda cb750f
73 Honda cb500f, 73 Yam TX750 blow up bike, 72 Honda cb350t
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-22-2015, 09:33 AM
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16 chuckles !!!

Thanks for that, Ponch !!!

Velly funny !!!

I love you more today than I did yesterday...
Yesterday you really PISSED ME OFF !!!


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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-26-2015, 05:11 PM
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These are all awesome

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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-27-2015, 07:14 AM
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that's a good laugh this morning!
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 06-27-2015, 01:00 PM
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Ponch,u r too funny,so how far to the next walmart???
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-01-2015, 03:13 PM
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You think it's funny......he put condoms in my cart, when I found them I went to the fitting room to try them on......and stepped in it.

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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-01-2015, 09:50 PM
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I read this for the first time today. Only problem, I was in church and trying very hard not to laugh during the sermon.
You Ponch got me in much trouble with the wife.

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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-01-2015, 10:23 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerryJ View Post
I read this for the first time today. Only problem, I was in church and trying very hard not to laugh during the sermon. Ponch got me in much trouble with the wife.
yep. Jerry yor goin strate to hell. but it won't be for this.




not another boring list of mods;
14 guzzi v14, 14 Injun chieftain v18, 13 guzzi v7, 12 hardley 48
07 kaw v2k, 07 guzzi v11, 07 yam v17, 07 96ci 'lectraglide
06 88ci superglide, 05 hardley 883, 05 yam v17
04 zooki sv1k, 03 guzzi v11, 02 kaw v15
01 Honda 750, 00 hardley 883, 84 Honda v7 supermagna, 99 hardley 883
92 zooki v8 sport, 88 zooki 650 thumper, 84 Honda 500 thumper
80 Honda 360t, 78 Honda cb500f, 75 Honda cb750f
73 Honda cb500f, 73 Yam TX750 blow up bike, 72 Honda cb350t
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2015, 07:47 PM
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I've read that many times. I hurt myself laughing EVERY TIME!

I'm sorry for everything I've ever said that has offended you up to this point and for the stuff I'll say that offends you tomorrow. Check back with me next week about all the new offensive stuff...
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-05-2015, 11:03 AM
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That's funny. I got kicked out of Luby's once.
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